Yummy vs. Slummy mummy. Does it really matter?

Today’s post is a little different to the usual Coco Mama style and discusses whether we don’t make enough effort, or even try too hard to look and feel good about ourselves.

Elle Macpherson isn’t shy of doing the school run in tight leather trousers and it’s been suggested she makes too much effort for this daily event. But she works and she’s The Body, so surely she’s dressing to suit her lifestyle, regardless of her mum status. The same goes for Victoria Beckham. She’s a designer, so she dresses appropriately for her work. If she is comfortable in a fitted frock and vertiginous heels while carrying little Harper, why shouldn’t she?

So here’s the question…

Should we dress down now that we’re mums? Are we meant to blend into the background that is motherhood, because anything that makes us stand out suggests we’ve neglected our children to look that way?

What is it that makes us judge each other? We’re judged for ‘letting ourselves go’ but also judged for making too much effort.  If you work a dressed-down look these days and you’re comfortable and confident, why should anyone assume you’ve let yourself go. What if you’re just content in your new role as you are.  On the other hand, if you have the time to don make-up, grab a gel manicure, wash (or dry shampoo) your hair and put on an outfit that isn’t just thrown on in a mad rush and, heaven forbid, involves heels, does that make you a bad mother, for spending too much time on yourself?

Every mother has her own issues, anxieties or struggles to deal with behind closed doors, so if she chooses to dress a certain way whether that be to dress up or down, why should anyone else judge her?

The purpose of this website was (and still is) to inspire mums (myself included) to feel like the ‘old you’, back in the days BB (before babies).  While explaining this to a fellow mother she suggested she had ‘never been stylish so it definitely doesn’t apply’ to her. There is a feeling that some of us don’t feel worthy of time for ourselves, however brief.

Style shouldn’t be about slavishly following fads, nor feeling bad for not keeping up with the look du jour. It isn’t even necessarily about dressing for others, so instead let’s turn the focus to what makes us feel comfortable and confident. Yes, those track pants may be comfy but do you feel confident about yourself in them? If yes, great, you’ve achieved the goal! If not, it won’t make you a bad mum to want to take a little time to get yourself looking and therefore feeling good.

Do you feel judged for ‘making an effort’ to look good? Are you a laidback mum  who wouldn’t dream of taking time out for herself? Or are you unhappy with the way things are but don’t know where to start? I’d love to hear your thoughts below…

12 comments

  • Interesting post. For me, it’s a cross between being comfy and practical (I have a 20 month old son and a 4 year old daughter, they are messy) and looking nice. I like to make an effort because I feel better when I look like I’ve made an effort. I tend to live in my skinny jeans and flat shoes, and try to put on a nice top and pop on a bit of makeup.

    I don’t feel judged in the playground, but even if I am judged, I am more interested in getting my kid into school safely than what other people think about how I look.

    • You’re right, even if we are judged there are certainly more important things to worry about! Thanks for posting a comment.

  • Hi
    This is great article. I work in fashion and with children’s brands and I believe us Mums should continue to wear what we want whether that is dressing in the most on trend items or having our own style. Letting ourselves ‘go’ because we think we have to fit into a stereotype of what a Mum should look like is a shame, I believe we can be many things – a Mum in the park, a friend out to dinner, career Mum, wife/girlfriend and our clothing and the way we present ourselves is a way of expressing who we are in different ways.
    Jules x

  • A really nice article and a blog!
    I am so with you! I feel like I am a better mum, when I know I am looking good, as I am in a better mood and feel more confident. I do get those looks from fellow mums ( who can not believe that I put “so much effort” to come to the playground). But for me my well being is my family’s well being. And I learnt it the hard way. I did not look after myself for a little while and was all dipressed. It took a good shaking advise from my mum to look at myself from the side. Comparing my before baby pictures and post baby. The body wise I did not change much. But the (non) style and the tiredness was very much into face. Now, I jog, I look after how we eat and have a totally new colourful wardrobe. Which is a god change to my previous all black wardrobe BB 🙂
    Have a look on my blog as well, I have a “Mummy style” page besides the others.
    I am glad I came across yours though 🙂

    • Thanks for your comments, London Parent. I’m glad you’ve found the way that works for you and you’re feeling like you again, maybe even a better version of you than BB!! I’ll check out your blog.

  • “Are you a laidback mum who wouldn’t dream of taking time out for herself? ”

    Just because I don’t choose to wear stylish clothes, heels, make-up whatever doesn’t mean I don’t feel worthy of time for myself it means I feel I have better things to spend my ME time on. Like going to the gym, drinking tea, twitter and eating biscuits.

    • That’s exactly it, we all have our own ways of being a mum for ourselves and our families and no one way is right or wrong. Thanks for sharing!

  • Interesting article!

    I am a mum to a 4 and 6 year old. BB, I used to spend an hour putting on make up and taming my hair. These days, I spend 15 minutes getting ready in the morning, if I have time.

    Often, because I am dealing with tantrums, Weetabix massacres, making packed lunches and playing hunt-the-shoes / school bag / Power Ranger figure in the morning, I just have enough time to throw on some clothes (and a hat) and get the beauties out of the door on time.

    However, I feel my best and I am my most confident, fun and happy when I have made the effort with my appearance. I tend to hide a little from others when I am dressed like a slummy mummy and realising this, I have recently made a concerted effort to get up a little earlier than the kids in order to look better and feel better about myself.

  • I agree with Jules Smee. There are a lot of roles to play as career woman, mom and friend etc.. I would say I have my sophisticated moments and my ‘slummy mummy’ moments – but even then, I still manage to express my style through the separates I wear. Who has time to judge really…? Everyone has different situations. Throw in multiple kids and how dare someone have the time to judge if a Mom hasn’t had time to plan an outfit or put on some make up.

    The only thing I would say, is ensuring the separates in your wardrobe are easy throw-on styles, timeless and stylish without having to make an effort.. that’s the key to effortless style! If you feel good on the outside, you’ll (hopefully) feel good on the inside. x

  • I enjoy dressing nicely, using make-up and looking after myself, so having two children did not change anything for me! :o)
    I do not care about what other mums – or anybody else, for that matter – might think about me. Mums have different styles, priorities, circumstances, etc, so why should we not be allowed to choose what works for us?

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